One Secret of Happiness

Sharing stories about times when we are happy and made others happy makes us happy (and builds community).

How to do this

You will get the most out of the questions below if you talk about them with interested friends or partners. The idea is to have conversations using these questions as prompts. You are sharing stories, not gathering objective data. If you are listening, be enthusiastic and enjoy it.

·         Talk about two or three times when you were happy. Why was that? What was it like?

·         Talk about two or three times when you made someone else happy. What was that like? What did you and the other person gain from this?

Remember to tell two or three friends about it if you enjoy it. This will generate a ripple of happiness from you.

This exercise works well in a small, intimate group and surprisingly well in a larger one. (Break a big group into small ones). It is great fun and builds community.

A story

I tried this with my wife and another couple. We spent about half an hour going around the table answering the questions. It was straightforward and enjoyable. The most challenging bit was deciding which of many happy experiences to share. We realised we have had lots of them, which is excellent.

It was interesting to learn what made other people happy. For instance, Barry became deaf relatively young and spent time and got much pleasure from helping older people use their deaf aids. This story is a lovely way to find happiness in something problematic. We all agreed that making others happy was a great source of personal happiness.

I heard again about one of my wife’s happy times: being utterly overwhelmed by a sunset. I also heard her describe it to our friends, which gave me a new and vivid perspective on her and her experience.

I talked about a time I was reading passages from a funny book with a group of friends, and my uncontrollable laughter caused an explosion of helpless laughter from all of us. We laughed with each other like a group of tiny children. It was lovely.

We all felt the conversation was an enjoyable and different way to spend time together. We felt happier and closer afterwards.

More information

If you are interested in the approach, look at Appreciative Inquiry. One key idea is that we create what we look for. So, if we look for happiness, that is what we find!

The “Happy Planet Index” measures the efficiency with which countries turn their ecological footprint into happiness and long life.

How you can help me

I would appreciate any comments about any “happiness” session you run. It would be lovely to know more about what you learned, what you enjoyed about it, any impact it has had since, and any ideas about how to improve. There are lots of ways to contact me via the website.

I dream that more people will share happy stories, just like you did, and this will create happy communities with happy people. Something so simple could make the world a better place.